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Monday, October 22, 2012

We're Around

I just wanted to assure everyone that we are, in fact, still alive. We've both been busy with our personal blogs which has caused this one to fall into neglect....sadly. To keep up with us, just head over to our personal blogs. There we each discuss everything from family, recipes, weight loss, crafts and just the randomness that crosses our minds.

Cas: A Farmer's Daughter Living Life Off The Farm

Alicia: True Southern Lies

I promise I'll be back soon to update!


Sunday, October 14, 2012

It's All in How You Feel....

This weight loss thing can be a real mind fuck...seriously. I mean, you work & work at it, seriously watch what you eat...try too don't exercise and nothing happens. I know I should add exercise to my routine but anyone that really knows me also knows that I don't do mornings or physical activities. I'm fairly lazy and I know it (that was totally sung in my head as "I'm Sexy and I Know It.")...

I've also had the hardest time coming up with healthy meals that don't involve ingredients that I've never heard leeks. WHAT THE HELL ARE LEEKS?!? Ugh....stupid diets.

I'm not giving up on this, by no means, but I am annoyed. I'm just so bitchy lately. Well, I'm usually always bitchy but it's been horrible the last week or so. I blame the lack of fatty food "goodness." Or maybe, I'm just extra bitchy for no reason. AnyWHORE, on to the other stuff....

The past few weeks have been give or take. My weight is kind of floating between 270 lbs to 273 lbs. I want so badly to break out of the 270's because I haven't been under that in least 5 or so. It just seems that as soon as I get close to breaking it, I find myself face first in a mountain of sweets & fast food. I'm screwing myself, I know and for some weird kinky reason I am loving it. I can't find a way to stay motivated and break this damn cycle. I mean, yesterday I weighed in at 271 lbs and what did I do today? Drink a 20 oz Mountain Dew and scarf down some fatty, yummy, pasta from Applebee's.
train WOOOT!! WOOT!!! ALL ABOARD the Fat Train


I need to quit fucking myself and start staying focused and on target. I'm not only doing this for my health...I'm also doing this for the children that I haven't even conceived yet...this is so I can get to a healthy weight to ACTUALLY be able to conceive....shit.
Speaking of that...for those that don't know. I have what is called PCOS or Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I know that dropping weight can help me in several different ways but I find myself messing up over & over. I don't know if it's because I have some weird belief that I'm not suppose to be skinny/healthy or I'm just a closet crack head. (I'm not really a crack head...)

I do know that I have this unusual apparently normal love/hate relationship with food. I'm never been what you would call a "foodie." I'm not someone who enjoys eating...seriously. If I could honestly survive without food then I'd never eat. It holds no appeal for me. I think it's because I've always seen food as a way to cope with feelings. Yes...I'm an emotional eater. I know it & I've been fighting it like mad the last few months with a few small victories and tons of major losses. When I get stressed (which isn't often; I'm seriously too "okay" with everything) my first instinct is to stuff my face with food. Happy? Food. Sad? Food. My answer to every emotion is food. I've been working on just dealing with my feelings but that's only made me realize that my emotions are everywhere (is that normal?). One way that I've started to win is by actually learning to cook. My hatred of food also meant that I never bothered learning how to cook. However, last year I decided that I wanted had to learn. I mean, I want to have kids some day & when I squeeze those little massive babies out of my hoo-haa then I want to be a stay at home mom. What will I feed those little bastards all day? I guess they could be raised on a diet of Ramen Noodles but I'm not 100% that's okay. So, I bit the bullet and learned to cook. With that, I gained control to fix what I like & wanted instead of enduring the hubs never ending love of Hamburger Helper....seriously. He has a major love affair with that stuff. It's borderline creepy.

I started off making dinners that were just as fattening (if not more so) than what the hubs made. When I got serious (sort of) about dropping weight, I started googling the hell out of healthy recipes. Anything labeled healthy then I started going for low calorie meals. Slowly, I've turned our eating habits around. Yes, we still struggle with eating out but we've gone from eating out 5-6 times a week to only doing it 1-2 times. We've also cut out 99% of our soda intake. Yes, we still have one every now & then but it use to be all we drank. Literally. Now, we both drink lakes of water...yay water (not really).

I know for us to drop the weight & for it to stick we have to make lifestyle changes but no one told me they would be this damn hard. It seems like for every one good choice we make, there are another 2 or more we make that are terrible. I really do try...honestly. I make my jokes & shit but we try hard to do this. We stumble and make mistakes but everyone does. No one is one. We do our best and I think that's all anyone can really ask for.

While I'm writing all this, there is a song that keeps playing over & over in my head. It really kind of sums up what I'm doing to myself on this journey to the skinny....and let me clarify; when I say skinny I mean around 170 lbs. That's as small as I want to get....I don't want to be pencil thin. I want to be comfortable with my weight and in a healthy spot...

Now, on to the tunes!


Saturday, September 22, 2012

Let's get serious, if you will.

This is 285lbs. I am always told I don't "look" like I weigh that much. Really? So instead of looking like a fatty, fatty, fatty I'm just a fatty, fatty? Thanks.

My weight did a major jump at 2 points in my life. The first was when Matt (the hubs) & I moved in together. We had two totally different eating habits and instead of sticking to those or making a nice blend of the two, I found myself just eating what he liked. Mainly because I didn't cook but also because I was really too lazy to care. I was 19 and under the belief that I would never need to diet and exercise. At the time I was 175lbs. On my 5'7" frame, it looked great and I carried it well. However, Matt's eating style didn't sit well with my body and I gained. I got up to about 225-235lbs. I'm not exactly sure as I refused to weigh myself. EVER. The other major weight gain in my life was when my dad was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. I was a girl who's daddy was her hero. Even at 20 years old, I still believed he was Superman. So, when he was diagnosed and we learned that he literally had months left and there wasn't anything anyone could do, I turned to food. I ate constantly. It was how I "comforted" myself. When Daddy passed away 9 months later, I was at 285lbs. The biggest I had ever been. 

During all of this, since shortly after I first moved in with Matt, my period started going all crazy. I'd go 3 or 4 months and never have one and it honestly NEVER dawned on me that something could be wrong. I just figured it was stress or the weight gain. It wasn't until after Matt & I were married; a little over a year after my Daddy passed away, that I finally went to the doctor. The main reason I finally went was because I had health insurance. The first gyno I went too took one look at me and said "It's Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome." She never did any tests or anything. As she was explaining what PCOS was, I guess the look on my face worried her. She was real quick to add "Honey, it's a SYNDROME. This is not permanent, this does not define you. If you drop some weight & eat healthy, you will get rid of this." Naturally, my response to that diagnosis was to eat....A LOT. I then decided that she didn't know what she was talking about so I went to another doctor.....and got the same diagnosis. This 2nd doctor was the suppose to be the best doctor in the area for PCOS patients. She had several articles published in numerous medical journals & magazines on the subject. I trusted her & her opinion.She is also the same doctor who couldn't decide how much Metformin she wanted me to take. It went from 500mg once a day, to 500mg twice a day, then it was 500mg three times a day and finally it was 700mg twice a day. The 700mg literally felt like I was dying from the inside out. My body never adjusted to it and when I would take it, I would have to plan my day around where the nearest toilet was. However, I told this doctor visit after visit that my main goal was to one day have a baby. The doctor told me that I was "entirely too big" to have a baby and I needed to look into other alternatives. Add another dream crusher to the mix and Alicia keeps shoveling food down her throat. I finally had enough of that doctor after 5 years and I switched. There is a doctor in my home town that all of my female friends swear by. They all say she is the best doctor ever. What really made me want to give her a try was when I found out Cas was using her and she is currently pregnant with her 3rd child. Since, Cas was also once a PCOS patient and she is now not....I thought I'd give this new doctor a try. 

When I first found out I had PCOS, I cried. Constantly. Then I decided that I didn't really want kids so it didn't matter. I was minute I was telling my husband I wanted kids so bad & I was looking at baby stuff left & right. My friends & family always got the story that although I loved kids, I wasn't sure they were "for me." I told everyone, except my husband, this lie. Including myself. I was seriously convinced for years that kids were nice and all but I really didn't want any. Then I turned 27 and my biological clock went from a minor background annoyance to this huge, massive, clock doing jumping jacks in my direct line of sight. I realized that I wanted a baby and I wanted one BADLY. I also realized that I wanted one before I turned 30. Now, don't get me wrong, I think people who have their first child after 30 are totally fine & I see nothing wrong with it. However, I just don't think it's for me. I want my first one before 30 and then the rest can come whenever. 

So, here I am. I'm 27, I weigh 274lbs (currently) and stand 5'7". I'm doing this for 2 people....myself and the life of my future children. I refuse to be the over weight mom. I had one of those growing up...I know what it's like to want your mom to go outside and play with you, to run & ride play but all she can do is sit and watch. I hated that and I will NEVER be that to my children. Ever. 

Even if children don't happen for me...even if there is some underlying cause to my fertility issues and there's no chance I'll ever be a mother....then I want to be healthy for me. I want to enjoy a nice, long life with my wonderful husband. I want us to grow old & gray together. I want us to be that old couple you see that have been together 50 years and still hold hands & be in love like two teenagers.

Speaking of my husband....he has been my rock through all of this. He has stood by me, loved me and supported me through all of the uncertainties. When I broke down crying in the car and told him that if he wanted to divorce me if we couldn't have children, then I would understand. He just smiled at me and said "Babe, I didn't marry you for your ovaries. I married you for you. Yes, I want kids but if it isn't meant to be then that's fine as long as I have you." He's also the same man that says nothing when I go through my "OMG-WHAT-IF-IM-PREGNANT-AND-DONT-KNOW-IT?" fits and I get pregnancy test crazy. He doesn't let my over active imagination get the best of me...and on the rare times it does? He talks me off that ledge. I love you, snicker-fuck!


Sunday, September 16, 2012

Low Fat Brownie Bites

I've never been one to make stuff from scratch or with fresh veggies. I mean, my grocery shopping is 90% canned items. I've slowly started buying frozen veggies and I realize I like them a lot more. They have more flavor and taste a lot better. So the thought of me making brownies, from scratch, was completely new territory for me. I've always been a box mix kind of girl. However, with this whole weight loss thing I knew that box brownies & all other sweets were going to be very, very few and really far between.

Then my random sweet tooth attacked me.....which lead to me ferociously googling healthy dessert recipes. I came across quite a few. The first one (pina colada cupcakes) was TERRIBLE. My husband & I barely ate one cupcake and I threw the rest out along with the recipe. So I was a little nervous about the brownies. If they turned out as horrible as the cupcakes I was going to scrap all my healthy dessert recipes and rob the nearest gas station of all their Milky Ways & Twix.

The brownies called for just a few recipes and is really simple. Simple is good. I didn't start cooking until last year (I'm 27 now & I  avoided the stove like it was a carrier of the bubonic plague) so I like simple recipes.

The brownie bites called for:

  • 2 tbsp margarine
  • 1/3 cup sugar
  • 1/4 cup cold water
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla
  • 1/2 cup flour
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 2 tbsp chopped walnuts
  • nonstick cooking spray
  • 1 tsp powdered sugar

  • I don't have the margarine in the picture because I used the last of mine on the brownies. Guess I need to pick some up this week...
    Keriyo Emoticons 17 Icon

    Once you have all the ingredients together, things keep going easy as pie (or brownies, in this case).

    1. In a small saucepan: melt the margarine & remove from heat.
    2. Stir in sugar, vanilla & water.
    3. Stir in flour, cocoa powder & baking powder & mix well.
    4. Stir in the chopped walnuts.
    5. Spray the bottom of a 8x4x2 loaf pan with nonstick cooking spray & pour the batter in.

         6.  Bake at 350F for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Mine actually cooked closer to 40 minutes before it was done.
         7. Cool thoroughly & remove from pan
         8. Cut into 8 bars, sprinkle with powdered sugar & serve!

    I was worried about how they would taste but considering my husband devoured his 4 bars in a few minutes & had powdered sugar all over him....I'd say they were good. Naturally, as soon as they were done I had no desire for chocolate & my sweet tooth had packed it's bags and left town. I've been nibbling on it the past day or so and it's really good. This is definitely a recipe that I will keep and make again.

    Obviously, I skipped the "cut into 8 bars part." There is only my husband and myself so I just cut the thing in

    The Totals
    Servings: 8
    Serving Size: 1/8th
    WW Points Plus: 3

    Until next time:

    Friday, August 31, 2012

    Ég gerði mistök

    I fell off the wagon. Well, actually it wasn't a fall it was more of a graceful swan dive from the platform of health and weight loss into an insanely deep pool of fast food and weight gain. I doggie paddled around for 2 weeks and I just now decided that I had swam enough and have gotten out of the pool to dry off. Hopefully, I won't take another Olympic Gold Medal worthy dive back into that bitch.

    Naturally I don't have any pictures of the food I've been eating because we all know what McDonald's and bottles of Mountain Dew look like. In case you're confused or you're not sure; I've provided examples below.

    Yup...that's what my last 2 weeks have been. Nasty, artery clogging, weight gaining, goodness. Oddly enough, I haven't really gained any weight. I'm fairly sure it was just dumb luck.....

    I'm back on it now...I'm back to eating healthy, drinking nothing but water and I'm going to add exercise to my daily (okay, maybe not daily) routine. I'm determined to get this done. I'm tired of being the fat friend....someone else can have that role.

    Cas and I are also going to start a 30 Day No Fast Food Challenge. We're going to go the entire month of September without eating anything that isn't cooked at home. We say fast food but we mean any it O'Charley's or Longhorn or Taco Bell. NOTHING.

    I keep trying to think of something awesome and witty to put here but really I don't have anything. I'm at a total loss for words so let's just end this blog with something fun.


    Friday, August 17, 2012

    Snack Find

    I am always on the lookout for yummy snacks. Healthy yummy snacks that is. Fruit of course is one of the best. But what about the times when you are running out the door? Or running around with the kiddos? Its not that easy to break out an apple and slice it up for them..Strawberries don't keep for very long...and pears are generally along the same lines as apples. Dried fruit is always an option. It can be high in calories and sugar. This past week I was at the canned and dried fruit in the grocery store when I seen something I had never seen before. There were these packages called Crisps. They had different flavors so I bought a few bags to try. The fruit is freeze dried. It comes in 3 flavors that I seen. Asian Pear, strawberry bananas and Fuji apples. I grabbed one of each flavor. They were all really good and very low in calories. The lowest was 35 the highest was 45. They were crispy and sweet. I enjoyed them so much I bought more.. So if you see them out there at the grocery store grab some if your looking for a tasty on the go snack.

    Tuesday, August 14, 2012

    3 Days of Food!

    So I haven't posted my meals for the past few days. It's not that I forgot or I've already slacked off. Actually, I don't get off of work till 8:00pm so by the time I get home, eat dinner and get a chance to actually's 10:00pm or so. At that point I don't feel like dragging out the laptop and writing up a post. With that being said, the food journal will still be around and I'll still post about what I eat but it won't be every day. I'm thinking of making it every 3 days or so...but we'll see. Now....


    Sunday, August 12, 2012

    Sunday's are my total "indulgence" days. It's also the day that the hubby and I go to his mom's & aunt's for dinner and spend the day with them. I decided when I started my diet that Sunday's would be the day that I wouldn't worry about eating healthy or counting points or anything that had to do with "diet." Matt's mom & aunt cook some great food and I didn't want them to suddenly be concerned with keeping it healthy or making something I can eat. They already worry about what they cook. No matter how much they cook; it isn't "enough." So, this past Sunday we had hot dogs, hamburgers, potatoes baked in butter/salt/pepper and home made coleslaw.

    I know it shows a lot on my plate but the truth is I only ate the hot dog and about half the potatoes. The rest was packed up and I ate it for dinner that night. As always, his mom and aunt are great cooks.

    Monday August 13, 2012

    Breakfast today was a smoothie. I've been on a smoothie kick. I'm really determined to find one that is completely delicious and fits perfectly into a diet. 

    • 1 Cup Silk Almond Milk: Vanilla & Unsweetened. I tried Almond Milk recently and I have to say I absolutely LOVE IT!! If you've never tried it, do. Just know that it doesn't taste like regular milk because, honestly, it doesn't come from the same place milk does....
      • 1 Weight Watchers Point
    • 1 Serving of Great Value Vanilla Pudding. Adding instant pudding was actually Cas's idea. She also said to put protein powder but considering I'm cheap and I couldn't find any that fit into my price range, I left it out. However, that is something you may want to add.
      • 2 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1 Serving Laura Lynn Nonfat Greek Yogurt. It's the same brand of yogurt from the previous food post. I think this week I'll buy some flavored and see how that works.
      • 2 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1 Cup of Dole Pre-Cut Strawberries, Bananas, & Peaches. This is in the frozen section and actually comes cut up small enough for smoothies. I think it even says on the bag that it's cut down for "Smoothie Size." 
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    This smoothie came out thick like a milkshake. It was really good and I had that thing devoured in no time. It tasted great and it actually keep me full till my first break at work. All this for only 5 Weight Watcher Points!!

    Snack Time
    On my first 15 minute break at work I had a snack of a cheese stick and a beef jerky. It was a nice snack and it kept me full until my lunch at 4:00pm. Speaking of snack, I found these great snacks from Quaker that are only 2 Weight Watcher Points per pack. I'll be doing a journal entry on these later this week so stay tuned!

    For lunch that day I a sandwich wrap. It was turkey, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, and cheese in a whole wheat tortilla.

    In the picture, you see 2 sandwich wraps but I only ate one. Apparently I wasn't as hungry as I had originally thought.

    • 1 Medium Whole Wheat Tortilla. I still don't know what brand is in my
      • 2 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1/2 Tbsp of Mustard. 
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1/8 Cup of Part Skim Mozzarella Cheese. 
      • 1 Weight Watchers Points
    • 2 Cups of Romaine Lettuce. I'm still in love with romaine lettuce!!
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1 Cup of Tomatoes.
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 2 oz of Honey Turkey. Any brand is fine, just make sure you follow the serving size. The brand I used is Carl Budding.
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1/2 Tbsp Hellmann's Light Mayonnaise.
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    This lunch was good but not great. I think it would have been better if I had heated up the lunch meat a little bit first. However, it did fill me up and I wasn't hungry again till I got home that night. The great thing about the whole wheat tortillas is that you can literally put ANYTHING in them and make a tasty and delicious wrap. The wrap came in at a total of 3 Weight Watchers Points.

    Dinner that night was spaghetti with whole wheat noodles, lean ground beef, mushrooms and spaghetti sauce. I was pretty hungry when it got done cooking....I ended up eating it without taking a picture. Sorry!! LOL

    • 1 Serving of Mushrooms. We generally go with the canned mushrooms. 
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1 Serving 86%/14% Lean Ground Beef. I know beef isn't the best thing for you but if you make it lean and don't eat it constantly then you will be okay. 
      • 5 Weight Watchers Points
    • 2 Servings of Whole Wheat Spaghetti Noodles. These noodles cost me a lot of points but they were really good and, in the end, worth it to me.
      • 10 Weight Watchers Points
    • 3 Servings of Del Monte Traditional Spaghetti Sauce. 
      • 5 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1 Oz. of Parmesan Cheese.
      • 3 Weight Watchers Points.
    Like I said earlier, I forgot to take a picture but this dinner was really filling and I actually felt like I had ate too much. The meal did cost me a total of 23 Weight Watchers Points. However, dinner is the only full meal I usually eat. During the day I try to keep my breakfast and lunch small and have a nice dinner. If I blow breakfast or lunch then I make it up by having a smaller dinner. 

    Tuesday August 14, 2012

    Breakfast was.....a smoothie! I'm still on my smoothie kick and I don't see it ending any time soon. This smoothie was changed a little. As you'll see in the ingredients below.

    • 1/4 Serving Laura Lynn NonFat Greek Yogurt. This morning I just went with half of the container. I know I only listed less than that, but I'll explain why later.
      • 1 Weight Watchers Point
    • 1/2 Serving Dole Strawberries, Bananas, & Peaches. 
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1/2 Serving Silk Almond Milk, Vanilla/Unsweetened.
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1/4 Cups Oats, Old Fashioned & Uncooked. 
      • 2 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1/4 Serving Instant Vanilla Pudding.
      • 1 Weight Watchers Point
    I just threw all of the ingredients into the cup for the Magic Bullet and mixed. I actually used half a serving of everything listed except for the Almond Milk and the Dole Fruit. The oatmeal gave it a nice taste and made me feel fuller quicker. I actually only drank half of it and was absolutely stuffed. It had a great taste and a nice texture. It wasn't as thick as the one from Monday but I think I enjoyed this one better. It cost me a total of 4 Weight Watchers Points and is something I will make again.

    Snack Time
    My break time snack today was actually the same as yesterday. Sargento Colby-Jack Cheese Sticks and a Jack's Links Beef Jerky. YUMMY!

    Lunch today was a total cheat day. It wasn't suppose to be a indulgence meal but I am out of stuff for my lunches and I just haven't made it by the grocery store yet. I know, I know. I need to quit being so lazy and go. 

    I had a McDonald's Premium Salad: Bacon Ranch Salad with Grilled Chicken. The salad was delicious and kept me full until I got home. The salad cost me a total of 6 Weight Watchers Points. The salad dressing, however, was not so friendly. I got a little greedy and got 2 packages of Newman's Own Caesar Dressing. Those 2 packages cost me 10 Weight Watchers Points. I wasn't happy about that at all. It cost me greatly to go out. A total of 16 Weight Watchers Points. UGH!!!

    Dinner tonight was another chicken salad....and I forgot to take the picture again. I'm so forgetful once I get home in the evenings. 

    • 2 Cups of Romaine Lettuce.
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 3 Oz. of Skinless, Boneless Chicken. You can use any boneless, skinless chicken. Matt and I have became HUGE fans of Ingles frozen chicken tenders. They are quick and easy to thaw out & cook and taste great!
      • 3 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1 Cup Tomatoes - chopped.
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1/2 Cup Cucumber - chopped.
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 1/8 Onions - chopped.
      • 0 Weight Watchers Points
    • 2 Tbsp Light Caeser Dressing. Any brand will do...I have this brand called Maple Grove Farms. It's usually on sale and tastes wonderful.
      • 2 Weight Watchers Points
    Dinner tonight was a small chicken salad that cost me a total of 5 Weight Watchers Points. The salad was delicious but as I write ALL of this, I'm hungry again. I should have made the salad a bit bigger or fixed something to go with it. It is something I'll have again because salads are a great staple to my diet.

    There you go! Everything I had to eat for the past 3 days! I will be doing a post about the snacks I mentioned above. Again, they are by Quaker and only cost 2 Weight Watchers Points and they are also 90 Calories a pack. So check back in a few days and see what else I've had to eat. Also, this week I will do a post for my weekly weigh in. I'll let you know what I lost and how much more I have to go.

    Until next time.....